No Confidence in the Flesh

I am stirred. I'm stirred right through to my bones. I am stirred to be the kind of person that if I should loose everything I own, every possession I find some inkling of worth or sentiment in, all my ownings and belongings-that I would be the kind of person who would simply lift their hands to heaven and know that I am not affected.
Yes, indeed my lifestyle may be affected, but the person that the Lord Jesus created me to be, the person that I am today would not be affected. I'm stirred to live the kind of life that fails to hold onto earthly things, ready at all times to let them go, and have my character, my individual personality, my worth never be tainted, touched or diminished.
Therefore, I cannot help myself but to put absolutly no confidence in the flesh. I put no confidence in material things, because in a flash they will be burned up in the fire as I go to spend an eternity with Christ.
Paul worded it best when he said, "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him." Phillipians 3.8-9
For what kind of confidence can Dolce & Gabbana truly bring into my life? Knowing that my vehical, no matter what the crash test ratings signify to me the consumer, no matter how good the body may look to other's, it can't provide me with salvation. My two hundred and fifty thousand dollar river side house will not bring my personal joy and happiness in this life. The balance in my bank account, no matter how large, or small does not define me as a human being. Instead, I consider all these things rubbish that I may gain Christ and be found in Him.
For in Christ, there is the fullness of joy. The empitomy of happiness. A picture of strength to the weak, hope for the down trodden and the promise of an eternal home away from this earthly home. Everything else is a loss.
I certainly have what I need to survive and strive through this earthly visit. I have wonderful family, a few good friend, a great church community, a wonderful husband and a healthy marriage, and I have peace and joy and personal happiness. Everything else in this life is a mere luxury. But I am blessed to have what I have, and as I strive to become a good stuart of the things God has blessed my life with-I will continue to be ready at all time to give it all away, consider it all rubbish....If it means I have the promise of being found in Him, in knowing Him, in gaining Him.

Dream Dreams

I am afraid to dream. To launch my dream into an outerspace of unknowns, uncertainties, and unpretentious possibilities. Close to my heart, it is safe there. Held forever tightly by clenched fists because it's easier that way. Days pass by and the dream, now quite stunted in its growth, crumbles slowly and its ripple effects gradually decrease in the rooms of my mind.
Remember when, "I can do all things through Christ who is my strength" used to really mean something to you? Like dust at my feet, once it is kicked, demolishes into the air as I walk backwards even further away from my dream. No footsteps to trace my track. If I was never there in the first place, perhaps the dream failed to even exist. If I don't put it out there, then nobody will see it flop.
Sometimes I feel like my dream is so big, that I'm unable to carry it on my own. It involves inspiration, to people, among nations. It's about speaking truth, in volumes that would make your nose bleed at the whisper of it. I want to cause a ripple effect, that will spread like fire, quench like water, satisfy like bread, and glorify the Father.
We used to be a bunch of dreamers. Together. All of us. Mother's, father's, sons and daughters, teachers, preachers, plumbers and musicians. And I believe we've become too scared to dream anymore. Fearful that it may never come to pass, but too passive, too lazy, too prideful to persist in prayer until it happens.
You have a dream. Do you remember it? Think about it.....does it excite you? Take a deep breath.....can you feel it welling up inside your spirit once again?
" 'In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will DREAM DREAMS." (Acts 2.17)
Dream dreams. There are desires, pursuits, dreams that lie asleep within you waiting to be revived, spoken forth, set out, thrown into and outerspace of unknowns. Dream dreams.
Dream them without hesitation, and see what God will do with them!

It's Sunny When We Share

Imagine that you were hosting a potluck supper. As your guests arrive, each one is bringing something to contribute to the meal. Thus the entire purpose of a potluck, right?! Except for one person, that is. That one person has brought nothing. So empty handed they come to the potluck supper. As everyone is seated around the kitchen table, the food is passed around from person to person. Everyone is taking part in what the other has brought. Recipes are dicussed. Ingredients are mulled over. And that one person who has brought nothing to share, indulges themselves in what everyone else has contributed.
Some of the guests spent the entire day brewing homemade soups, and baking breads. Salads were intriquitly thought of, every vegetable purposely sliced, diced and placed inside the salad. But with all of the food that was there there seemed little reason to bring anything, thought the empty handed guest. With a full stomache, bloated and yes, even the top button of their slacks undone they leave feeling full, feeling somewhat satisfied, feeling fed minus any of the work involved in making the potluck supper happen.
So my question to you is this, Why not share?
Each week we gather together, miniature churches, tiny bodies of Christ, little groups, friendship circles, through emails and phone calls, coffee dates and double dates, over board games and soccer practices, youth group on Friday nights, in the nursury Sunday morning at church....and we chose to not share. Of course there will always be other's who openly express how God is moving, changing, challenging them. We're sure quick to eat that up, aren't we?
What are we? Vultures?
Some will spend their entire lives going to potluck suppers, empty handed, with nothing to share or contribute and I'll tell you who's missing out. I am. You are. I want to know your life experiences, so share them with me. I want to hear how God speaks to you, what He's shown you and how you see this world. I'm missing out. Because there are things you've gone through that perhaps you've never talked about before with a single soul, that could heal me, prepare me, warn me and I'm missing out.
You're missing out as well. Have you ever carried a heavy backpack on your shoulders for a long time? Remember the feeling of taking it off? Sure it might hurt a little but the thing is this, that weight is gone at last! Well, when you open yourself up to someone else that feeling does little justification to the feeling you'll get when you share.
Talk to me.
Was it because somebody hurt you in the past? Trust is not easily built, but if you give me a try I'll keep your secret in my heart and I promise to carry your burdens with you. Is it because you are afraid nobody will be able to relate to you? To what you've been through? It wasn't your fault. You are not to blame. If you tell me, I may not be able to say I've been through it too-but I will pray for you, hold you or just listen to you because I know how good it feels to....
Just let it all hang out.
You must be exhausted. Running around all this time hiding from the people who's pure motive is to be close to you, to know you, to imagine your thoughts and feel your heart. The mask you've been wearing has distanced you from everyone and I bet you feel like you're the only one who really knows yourself anymore, or ever for that matter.
It's probably your umptinth time you've been invited to one of these potluck suppers, though this one is oddly different for you. Walking up to the front door, you hope that you don't spill the Jello salad you made. You've never really made one before, actually you've never made one and shared it with anyone before. Today is a day of firsts. You knock on the door, your friend answers, invites you in and comments on how delicious your Jello salad looks. You smile, akwardly wondering inside if everyone will like it, or not. But it's there. You've put it on the table. As everyone is seated conversation slowly takes place. By the end of the evening, you have not only shared your first Jello salad with a bunch of hungry guests, but you even gave out the recipe. At the end of the night and as some kind of unusual excitement envelopes you, you think to yourself...What should I bring next time?
It is then you realize, that our purpose in this life is to build relationships which evidentally does not come without sharing with one another. Imagine that, a relational Heavenly Father not only creating us His people to share in a relationship together with Him but also that we may know one another.
Share.

Written by SP01

A few nights ago I had a dream.  I was at work and there was a man there who appeared to be in his early sixties.  He was bald with neatly cropped grey hair around his head.  He sat down beside me and listened very carefully; his eyes piercing into my heart.  He sympathized with my pain.  He comforted me in my tears.

He also started to ask me questions.  He challenged the things I was thinking about.  He was never mean or abrupt.  He wanted me to start thinking outside of my own little problems.  I felt like I was being changed by his presence.

I thought a lot about that dream the following day.  It seemed odd.  I don’t have any problems at work right now.  In fact I really love my job.  So who was this man?  It occurred to me that it is possible that this man represented God.  For a while I entertained the possibility that the Almighty was speaking to me through my dreams.

A couple of nights ago, I was watching a television program.  The main character in the program discovers that her mother had an affair several years ago.  The woman looks up her father and goes to visit him.  When he answers the door her only question is, “Why didn’t you fight for us?”  No matter what the father’s reply she kept asking why he gave up.  She never got an answer.

I thought about how I understood the yearning of a daughter who wanted a father to fight for her.  I thought about how I understood why this would be such an important question for this woman.  I knew why she was so upset.  Then I sensed God telling me that He would always fight for me.

The past couple of weeks have been really crazy.  I needed to hear God speak.  Last week He taught me that He is totally present in my pain.  He also taught me about the need to challenge my assumptions and attitudes.  Through the picture of the dream I could see how deeply caring for me in pain and challenging me to be better could fit together.  Then I learned that God is fighting for me.  Beyond that I have an understanding that He is asking me to join the fight.  Father here I come.

Written by SP01

“A farmer went out to plant some seed.  As he scattered it across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The plants sprang up quickly, but they soon wilted beneath the hot sun and died because the roots had no nourishment in the shallow soil. Other seeds fell among thorns that shot up and choked out the tender blades.  But some seeds fell on fertile soil and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted.” (Matthew 13: 3-9, NLT)

To those who know the Bible pretty well this passage will be pretty familiar.  To us it is obvious what Jesus is talking about.  That might be because we have the benefit of reading this passage a few verses later where Jesus explains what he means.

“The seed that fell on the hard path represents those who hear the Good News about the Kingdom and don’t understand it. Then the evil one comes and snatches the seed away from their hearts.  The rocky soil represents those who hear the message and receive it with joy. But like young plants in such soil, their roots don’t go very deep. At first they get along fine, but they wilt as soon as they have problems or are persecuted because they believe the word. The thorny ground represents those who hear and accept the Good News, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the cares of this life and the lure of wealth, so no crop is produced. The good soil represents the hearts of those who truly accept God’s message and produce a huge harvest—thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted.”  (Matthew 13: 19-23, NLT)

As I read this passage I can see progression in my own life.  I started out not believing the message at all.  Then I accepted that message with joy, but that joy was short-lived because of the rocky soil my faith was trying to take root in.  Then I tried to plant myself in more fertile soil but allowed myself to be planted in thorny ground.  I am not sure if I ever made it to fertile soil. 

Transplanting faith can be painful and risky.  You need to be very careful when transferring a plant from one pot to another or you can kill it or damage it permanently.  I have gone through a few transplants already.  At the end of my life, I would like to be able to say that I believe I am firmly planted in fertile soil.

What kind of soil are you rooted in?  Are you ready for a transplant?

Written by SP01

The other day I woke up not feeling great.  I was tired.  I was nauseous.  My stomach hurt.  My back hurt.  I had a rash on my face that both itched and was very red.  I wasn’t sick.  I was just off.  That was the high part of my day.

I had one of those days at work that everyone has.  It was just a run of the mill bad day.  The problems mounted.  By just after lunch I thought I must have hit bottom and things would get better.  Then something else went wrong.  And then later that afternoon another huge problem came about.  I wasn’t able to solve any of it before I left.

I came home feeling pretty sorry for myself.  It didn’t help that I was also mad at myself for feeling sorry for myself.  I mean really, I didn’t have big earth-shattering problems.  I just had some issues to deal with at work.  I felt pretty burdened.

The next morning I still didn’t feel well.  I knew my problems were still at work waiting to be dealt with.  I was overwhelmed and desperate to find some courage to face another day of potential problems.  Then I remembered a friend telling me that Jesus was who she went to with the everyday sort of burdens.  He was here so he ‘gets’ that. 

I decided to pray to Jesus for help.  Then I worshipped for a while.  By the end of the fifteen minutes I felt a little bit better.  I was still tired but I wasn’t so desperate.  I went to work and slowly the problems were on the way to solutions.  I was even able to do a few things besides deal with a crisis. 

Even if my day hadn’t gone better I would have been no less grateful that I was able to worship Jesus who understands the day-to-day burdens that this world can bring.  If I had faced another day full of crisis, God would have brought me through it.  I just wish I had remembered Him sooner.

A Crushed Spirit

Never before had I ever seen a crushed spirit.
I have sensed it, heard it, perhaps at moments been the intigator of one, but not once had I ever seen it.
Years of pain disguised her young face, aging it years much beyond herself. Eyes, a glassy stare-hollow and blank from secrets hidden, and pain too big to bear, too large to make known without feeling the blow of it all. You could read her face, "Is this really my life?"somedays, and other days, "This is my life."
Children chant, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me". Though often times it's the sticks and stones of life that crush the spirit, not the bones. You will never truly understand this until you see a crushed spirit, staring back at you.
My heart has broken for you.
If I could take the magnitude of your sorrow from you, I would. To sit here looking into your eyes and seeing your incredibly downtrodden spirit is what I can hardly bear to see. How did life become so unfair, wrong, painfull, or practically unbearable...anymore. Nonetheless, you drag around your crushed spirit like a heavy weight. It pulls you, claimes you, and has burried you long before we ever knew of it.
But I am here now. My prayers are deeper than your pain, bigger than your past, longer than the look on your face, able to heal, able to kill, able to destroy, and able to dismantle. These prayers will build up your spirit once again, and I will see you rise, fly, soar into new heights, new places, much better days.
It's not my promise, it's His.
Some friend's enter your life only for a moment it seems, and then they are gone. They are stepping stones, rungs in our ladder, lilly pads in our pond, rain in our desert, and prayers when our spirit is too crushed for us to carry on. My thoughts, my heart, my pleas to God, it is there you have become eternal, perpetually and forever enclosed within the power of my prayers.
May your spirit rise up.

Your Quilt, Your Life

Life is like a quilt. A homemade quilt that is. Hand crafted by none other than....yourself. Each piece, every pattern, specifically, uniquely, soley chosen by yourself. Every patch, hand sewn, every stich, stiched by your own hand and needle-precisely and intentionally threaded in the attempts of creating a quilt.
In retrospect, some of those pieces don't look so pretty. Nonetheless, it's your quilt, a genuine product of something you yourself created. Your quilt is most definalty a product, a massive collaboration of choices clumped together into something called your life. Your present life, that is. Who knows what kind of pattern, color, texture or size you will choose in the future. It's up to you. It's totally up to you. In fact, it always has been.
He will never twist your arm. But He most certainly has influenced your choices in the past. He has inspired, He has challenged, He has provoked your thinking, tested your willingness, or lack of willingness....but you have always had the choice to choose all along. He makes ways of escape, throws detours on our roads, and life jackets in our storms.
You've always had the gift of choice. You held it within the center of your hands like a golden key, and used it whenever necessary. It held the power to hurt, the power to heal, the power to change, or the power to remain the same. It lied, it was blatantly honest, it subdued, it became forceful yet unstoppable. It ran away, it stood up for once, it hid, it became uncovered, revealed and naked.
What does your quilt look like?
It's the power of choice that will transform your life. It will say no to violence, or turn a deaf ear to its cries. It will pursue temptation, or flee from the very hint of it. It will invite strangers into your company, or turn noses to them. It will chase after passion, or bask in mediocrity. It will see dreams come to pass, or not. It will search deep inside your soul and come back from the search longing to be different, to change, to be transformed, born again...again....or not.
You hold the power. The power to choose. The power of choice. Every day. Every situation. Each circumstance. He's not twisting your arm but rather He is giving you the golden key, the opportunity to choose differently, choose wisely, to choose life, to choose love, faith, righteousness, passion and purity. To have the kind of life that resembles a beautiful quilt, hand crafted by your hands, your choices and display a life that longs for and has obtained the things of God.
May your life always reflect the beauty of the Lord.

Letting Go of the Battle

We are weary. Defeated all too easily. Shoulders slouched, arms hanging, knee's weak, feet still. It was never meant to end up this way, never intended to be given up so readily. On any given day, you would've never imagined finding yourself shamefully walking away from it all at the moment of contention. Still at the precise second of conflict, the shortest tug at the other end-you let go.
The battle was much too intense. Frightening, really. Waves crashed, wind roared, land shook-whatever you call it...it was just too much. The safety and security of hiding through it all looked far more appealing to you. So you went there. To your place. The place you go when things get a little rough around here. The place of mediocrity. The place of contentment.
Flahes of His Spirit ran through your blood during early morning bus rides to work. Breath's of His passion burst into your spirit as you worshipped Him in church on Sunday morning. Magnitude's of His life spurred you on as you read His Word, and you believed that you held the power to change, to be radical-you really did. You had these moments you see, and you ran with them but too easily you've let them go again. Again!
Why does this always seem to happen?
Not once did you ever set out to be a soldier. The battle never really crossed your mind. Your Sword, your Helmet, your Breastplate, your Belt, your Shoes-sat around like furniture, fixtures, collecting dust....so the saying goes. Unarmed you ran into battle, like a soldier in naked flesh against powers, principalities, rulers of darkness, demons, enemies. What exactly did you expect to happen? You were naked. You ran into battle at the sound of His voice calling you, believing it would never amount to difficulty. Your armor, untouched, never worn, rusting away. Though the connnection between the two was never made.
If you truly want it, you have to be willing to fight for it. Fully pledged, fully armored, fully prepared to overcome. To overcome the darkness, overcome the temptation to comply, overcome the desire to stand still, walk short, be deafeated.
It haunts you. That little voice insie your head. The funny thing is you agree with that little voice...."this is too easy, I'm giving up too fast....I've got to hold onto this!"
It's there. The armor. You've heard it-His voice. It calls you to a higher place with Him. A place of intimacy, and a place of battle. You can't have one without the other. Whether you simply walk it, or run it-know that He hasn't left you to battle alone, nor naked. He is with us. The armor is for us. The battle awaits us.

More Than Just Waiting to go to the Island

If you haven't seen The Island with Ewan McGregor, I highly suggest you watch it. McGregor, who is living in a futuristic domaine that manufactures, well.....at the moment he isn't even sure what? Everybody wears all white uniforms, everything they do, eat, sleep and interact with is highly monitored and controlled. Because they are living under the fabrication that the outside world has been contaminated and they are the only survivors, the only hope that this underworld society lives for is the privalidge of winning the lottery, in which someone new every week is randomly picked to go to the uncontaminated island and live there forever.
Little do they know, they have been cloned and exist only for the purpose of being sold for their organs by their insurance sponsors.
One morning McGregor has a conversation with Sean Bean, who plays the head honcho of the corporation. This is a dialogue between the character Lincoln, played by McGregor and Sean Bean.
"What's troubling you Lincoln?"
"What's?.....It's just....Alright. Tuesday night is tofu night. And I say to myself, who decided that everyone likes tofu in the first place? And what is tofu anyways? And why can't I have bacon? I line up every morning and I'm not allowed any bacon for breakfast. And let's talk about the white. Why is everyone wearing white all the time? It's impossible to keep clean! I'm walking around-I always get the gray stripe, I never get any color and I hand it in to be cleaned and someone cleans it and folds it neatly back into my drawer. And WHO? Who is that person, I don't know? I just want to know answers and I wish that there was more."
"More?"
"More than just waiting to go to the island."
As Christians, are we simply waiting to go to the island? Are we afraid to ask questions? Or will we simply live a life of uniform, tradition, and refuse to ask why?
I'm learning that not everyone likes tofu, and that's alright. My faith and how I attempt to live it out daily will look much different than yours. Can I handle that? I will learn to.
The hope is this, that there is indeed MORE. More to this journey with God, more to the life He promised for us, more than just following a bunch of rules and stipulations, more than traditions that have been passed down since who knows when...and why? Can we see the big picture and quit worrying and arguing about all the little details inbetween? Can we stop waititng for the island and start living for today?
"If God made us all so different, than why do we all have to act the same?" (Jena Malone, Saved)

A Little More Action

I saw Jesus today. You would have spotted him too, if you were there. It was late afternoon, on a city sidewalk, downtown Winnipeg. It's not often you see this kind of thing. It's not often you see a man, drop his bicycle, to pray for a stranger. With his hands placed on the man's back, he prayed for him. In the middle of the busy street. For perhaps a moment stigma dissipated, self-consciousness dissapeared, fear vanished, and faith errupted. Faith errupted on that city sidewalk, underneath the hands of a man willing to pray for a total stranger. Faith exploded. I'd like to say this kind of thing happens all the time around here, but it doesn't.
We often drive right through life sometimes. Call it the fast lane, the lane polluted with programs, schedules, time limits, restrictions. It's something that we've mastered. Or perhaps, it has mastered us. We are torn away from relationships, meaningful conversations, spiritual upliftedness, deep encounters, and we wonder why life holds little purpose.
We fill our lives with meaningless encounters, shallow conversations, and are eager to obtain the materially temporary. It hides away our fears, burries our burdens, fades away the pain, blocks the genuine, the real, the authentic, witholds everything of any value, purpose or meaning. Somehwere along the way of filling our lives we have forgotten about people, we have forgotten about relationships. We engage in robotic conversations one right after the other and say we're "good" when really we're dying inside. We collect "things" that temporary fill our emptiness, and collide our lives with stuff in order to keep out the real. You do it, I do it, we all do it.
I dare you to move. I dare you to do something. Something crazy. Something radical. Something that would stir people up, shake their thinking, draw them to Christ, tempt them to believe, have faith....be real. To deny the ordinary, the mundaine, the things that make us comfortable and complacent in order for our lives to be worth something so much more.
What kind of life are you living? In the end, will you stand tall and proud of it? Will it truly reflect a life of meaning and purpose? A life of selflessness? A life that looked like Jesus? Beyond all the things in life we use to mask who we really are, and hide what's really going on inside our heart's, will we be a people who strive, push ahead, move on and press forward? Will we be a people who really see the big picture God is painting for us to see? Will we spur other's on into meaningful, genuine relationships? Will we?
I dare you.

A Path That Is Dim

I've had a lot of jobs in my short life. I haven't had a lot of direction, no idea what kind of a career I wanted to pursue. Quite honestly, the lamp unto my feet has always seemed a little dim to me. All of this has contributed to a discontented spirit. I was not content.
In the last few months, I have been asked many times, "So what do you do?". What do I do? "Nothing", I reply. Nothing that would be of any worldy significance. I don't have a professional career. I'm not driven to find one either.
But one thing I do do is this, I try my best each and every day of my life to make it count. I have a lot of days that go unaccounted for. Passionless. Motionless. Medicore. I become ugly, cold and hard. I hate those days.
It's then that I have eaten the apple, believed the lie, and put myself in the back seat again. I become weary and confused, once again-I am not content. Am I supossed to know what I want to do with my life?
Because according to the world, somebody much like myself doesn't count. Doesn't matter. Doesn't hold value, worth, or success. I am not driven to have money, make money, rise to the top of an empire, become president, be crowned, to rise above in any earthly means. A house to me is just "stuff", my clothes just dress me-they aren't who I am inside. Everything I've ever owned or will someday soon obtain, isn't fire proof, isn't theft proof, isn't rapture proof. One day it will all be gone.
Surely, Mr. Trump would have fired me a long time ago.
I have no real earthly direction. Is that a bad thing? I want to be a good person, a nice person, a fair person-full of mercy, grace, justice and peace. I want to raise my children to love the Lord. I want to honor my husband. I want to dream. I want to imagine. I want to live.
What I do have, is a constant desire to be changed into the likeness of Jesus Christ. I have this incredible urge to truly know God, to be so close to Him that other's around me will be drawn in. I fail at those things more than you know, but I haven't stopped trying yet.
As for direction, though the lamp might be a little dim to my feet.....I have faithfulness. Every day, waking up and each night as I lay my head on my pillow-faith. Faith that presses on to continually serve Him, even when I feel like I'm making more damage than progress. Faith to sustain me when the odds are against me.
Ask me what do I do?
I do the will of God, to the best of my earthly, human, incompetant knowledge. I do it to honor, please and glorify Him. I try to do it daily. Other than that, I have no idea where I will work in thirty days from now. I have no idea what dreams I will attempt to pursue next. Which one's will flop and which one's will fly. I have no idea, and certainly no guarantees that my life will look anything like it does now, tomorrow, next week, or next year. And I'm quite alright with that.
Because I have faith. I walk in it. I talk it. I believe it is the key to contentment. Faith that the Creator of the Universe holds me and my world in the palm of His hands. Faith that overcomes worries of the future, stresses of tomorrow, and a multitude of uncertainties. The path is dim, but my feet are ever so ready, ever so willing to walk the path and I know that it is impossible without faith.
Because "godliness with contentment is of great gain" (1 Timothy 6.6) Or as the Message puts it, "a devout life does bring wealth, but it's the rich simplicity of being yourself before God."

Going Under the Knife

I went under the knife last night, and this time I hope He got it all. It had been sitting there for a very long time, feeding off the other parts of me, being nourished, growing into something so hideous even I had trouble living with.
It caused me to love less, while I judged more often. It provoked me to criticize, when I was feeling prideful about my own situation. It taunted me to selfishness, it granted me into episodes of gossip and slander. It wounded everyone around me, including myself and God.
Children could sense it, other people became distancted by the very sight of it, and God-well, He sat there waiting to put me under the knife and get rid of it all.
Sometimes in life all we really want is to merely patch things up, sweep them under a rug, cover up, and disguise them as something else-something less, intrusive? or obstructive?
I'd been praying for a couple of months now for God to change me. I believe one of the most important thing about our lives, or rather our character-is that our attitude constantly desires to be modified, molded into the thinking of Jesus. And as we read the Word, we find many passages which speak about attitude, like Phillippians 2.5 for instance says, "Your attitude should be the SAME as that of JESUS CHRIST". Again in Ephesians 4.23 says that we are "to be MADE NEW in the attitude of your minds".
Can we be quite transparent here for a moment? Can we admit that most times our attitude stinks. In our world, which may consist of work, school, church, friends and family-we sit back and do a lot of finger pointing. We judge his past, and always hold it against him. Forget about grace-that's just not fair. We criticize the way she lives her life, or doesn't live her life, or the way she raises her children, or doesn't raise her children (there's got to be something wrong with her!) and though we'd never tell her that to her face-we're certain to talk about it afterwards.
Our pedistools are getting pretty heavy, and quite undoubtidly with all of the crap we carry around with us it's sure to be a little tipsy.
You can still get to heaven with a bad attitude-that's the good news. The bad news is that, you won't live a life full of healthy, flourishing, Godly relationship with those around you. You'll never experience what it's like to love more, judge less and capture the mind of Christ. People won't be drawn to you, they'll begin to resist you because even though they can't see your thoughts or hear them-they protrude like an odor, and it's impossible to cover up. And most of all, you'l never really love yourself or enjoy life.
The other good news is even though you've been trying to cover up your horrible odor for a long time now, God's the kind of friend who would have no problem ripping off your bandaid.
It's time to go under the knife. And though the decision to do that is up to you, and though God will never force you or intrude Himself on you to go through with it-He does urge you.
He urges you with His mercy and grace, giving it to you daily. Now knowing that you walk in it-He hopes that in your experience of all that He's done for you.....that you will change your attitude for Him.

I Can't Stand the Seperation

I'm a sinner but willing to repent, knowing that my sin no matter what it looks like-it seperates me from God. But He has touched my life and I can't forget that, so I hate my sin. Though I do it ever day-I repent because I long to be where He is and I can't stand the seperation.

Power of A Testimony

Porn Sunday… That was the third week we attended Soul.  When Pastor Gerry announced it the previous week, I just figured I needed to clean out my ears.  I looked at my husband, and asked, “I didn’t hear what I heard, did I?”  We both agreed.  Naaaaaaaa.  So, to my surprise, the next week really was Porn Sunday.  It was just our luck that only the day before my mom had surprised us with an unexpected visit from out of province.  We had been gushing to her the last two weeks, “You won’t believe the amazing church we found!”  When the Life Lesson began, I sat with my hand over my mouth in disbelief.  It was the testimony of a man who had been freed from the bondage of homosexuality.  Why today?  Does this church have some kind of issues that most churches don’t?  For goodness sake, my Mom is here!  Near the end of the testimony, I snuck a peek at my Mom.  Her eyes were teared up.  What?  Why??   What in this testimony could possibly be relevant to her???  I promptly put my eyes back where they belonged - watching the speaker - and my mind began to race.  (Well, wouldn’t your mind race if YOUR mom got emotional during a talk about homosexuality?)  On the way home, Mom reminded me about her friend that had suddenly left her young family and her missionary work for a homosexual relationship.  After that, this lady was shunned by everyone but my Mom, even after repenting and wanting to come back.  So, she went back to the place that she was accepted… the homosexual community.  Mom loved her friend, and had kept in touch, but the friendship was awkward and shallow.  Then, just a few months ago, Mom received a letter from her friend with a picture of the two moms and their new adopted daughter.  Mom didn’t know what to do.
So here she was on Porn Sunday.  And it was relevant.  And it was real.  And it was the only time she had seen anyone actually demonstrating LOVE to someone gay.  What a testimony.  This man who shared stepped out of a “safe” place to share his life with the rest of us.  Some of us judged him.  Some of us could relate to him.  Some of us were afraid to look around because people might THINK we could relate to him.  Some of us began the road to healing.  Some of us knew someone who needed to be loved and accepted.  These things happened because this man allowed God to expose his heart and to make him vulnerable.
Shortly after Porn Sunday, Pastor Scott shared his testimony.  We could almost feel the rush as he described sailing along on his Dad’s big Gold Wing motorbike, at the age of 12.  Scott’s dad trusted him so much that he was sitting behind his young son with his arms folded, smoking a cigarette.  Wow.  He was trusted with the thing his dad cherished most!  What a great life!  Then… His dad committed suicide.  Woah!!!  The church sat, unmoving and silent, as Scott shared the wounds inflicted on his young soul from that staggering, horrible day when he was 13.  That Sunday, I didn’t sneak a peek at anyone, lest they see the tears flowing down my face.  I didn’t need to look to see anyone else’s tears anyway… I could hear the sniffles.  Why were we crying?  Did we feel sorry for that young boy who lost his dad?  Well, yeah, I guess we did.  Did we feel sad that this carefree little guy became a cynical, angry teenager?  I suppose so.  But really… Why were we crying?  I think maybe because some of us could relate to Scott.  He was so mad at God.  “God, You probably exist, but You really suck for what You did to us”.  How can God say He loves us when horrible things happen?  Yep, it hit a nerve all right.  But now look at Pastor Scott.  He’s sharing his testimony.  God grabbed him and he realized that, “Holy crap, God loves me!!”  He’s been through it, and he can testify that there IS such thing as healing.  There is such thing as change, and forgiveness, and wholeness – even after trauma that he endured.  That means that you and I can experience change, forgiveness and wholeness too. 
Then, on New Year’s Day we witnessed the testimony of a couple who shared their “dirty laundry” with us!  Wow!!!  A broken marriage… healed!  More sniffles.  Ok, not just sniffles.  Torrents.  Why?  Because their testimony hit us right in the heart.  If their marriage can be healed, then so can ours!  Because God if God is at work in the lives of these two individuals, then He is at work in ours.  Because if God can do that for them, He can work in our circumstances that seem just as impossible to fix.  Praise God that this couple was willing to share their story with us.    
There is incredible power in a testimony.  Revelation 12:11 says, “They overcame him (the accuser, the enemy) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony”.  Sharing your testimony means being real.  Hearing what God has done for someone else, or hearing the struggle of someone just like you and that they overcame, is powerful.  It gives hope.  It makes a person realize that they are not alone.  It shows us that God really does care about individuals. 
I John 1:1 says, “That which was from the beginning, which we have HEARD, which we have SEEN with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have TOUCHED – this we proclaim concerning the Word of life… We proclaim to you what we have seen and heard, so that you also may have fellowship with us.  And our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son, Jesus Christ.” 
I keep dreaming at night that I share MY testimony.  God has healed my wounded soul, and I know that at the right time I’ll be ready to become vulnerable and step out of my comfort zone to tell you what God has done for me, and what He can do for you.  Will you share your testimony too?  Let’s overcome the accuser together.

Smiling at Strangers

Drifting away sure feels good for the first little while. Though the carefree drift of a wanderer is always followed by a downward spiral. It's impossible to drift without eventually....drifting away.
Lately my conversations with other's have been superficially spiritual, and if you can allow yourself to be quite frank and honest with yourself too-I'm positive you can relate.
On a walk with God the other night, I told Him how I felt like I'd been chewing the same cud over for months. When engaged into a deeply spiritual conversation with another person, I really had nothing new to say, or relevant. I just flipped through the rolodex in my mind to something old that I could rechew again. Something I had already known, or learned, or believed. Don't get me wrong, those things are all good. But when you haven't had anything new or developing occur in months....something isn't right. And it's probably your heart.
The cud was getting a little old. I wondered if people were buying my spiritual fasaud?
So I was in need of something new. And that's the incredible thing about God and the mystery that lies unveiled by us the Discoverer. If we truly desire after Him and His Word we will always have new cud to chew. Continually, God reveals Himself to us in new and thrilling ways, and I'm more than convinced He does that through His Word.
It's called revelation. My revelation is different than yours. It's mine, personal, and it identifies with my heart, my past, present and the future that God holds for me. Something I learned today and just happen to share with you, might be something you were taught a long time ago. But it's mine and so that makes the mystery of God's Word inticing....don't you think? We are able to share those revelations, and collaborate on how to figure out this journey-together.
Unfortunalty, when you've been chewing the same cud for months-not only are we ripping ourselves off of a spiritual revelation but we're also ripping off our brother's and sister's of that unified, group effort to support, build up, encourage, and sharpen one another into the kingdom of God.
I opened up God's Word today for the first time in over a month (gasp, if you may). I might have "read" it other times between that duration, a "quickie" I like to call it. But you know what, my heart was in it....My intention to read God's Word wasn't out of pure obligation, or guilt. It was done for no other reason than a pure, genuine desire to have God reveal Himself to me in a fresh new way.
Sometimes we really have to chew on the same cud for awhile before we realize that we are in desperate need of something more.
Today was very different. As I opened myself up to God again, I found myself with a sense of value for life, passion to really, truly know God, to pray often and more than often, while smiling at strangers and being love and life to those around me. For now I have something new to chew on, and I know that from here my hunger will once again flourish.
And having learned all of this I can't deny that it is impossible to ignore such a great salvation.
"We must pay careful attention therefor to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. For if the message spoken by angels was binding & every violation & disobedience received its just punishment, how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation?"
Hebrews 2.1-3

The One Behind It All

He's the One behind it all. Beautifully orchestrated, originally screenplayed, he's the one who's been pulling all the strings together. You know....the strings. The strings that hold your life together. The strings that raise your eyebrows when something extraordinary happens, and the strings that make you smile at some rare act of compassion. The strings that open your eyes to see that there is indeed somebody behind it all, with every coincidence, and each rarity upon the ordinary and mundaine happenstances in life.
When it's something so beyond yourself, you can't help but to express this unimaginable force who's been behind the scenes, pulling all the strings. He's the One behind it all.
The strings are just a minor part of what He's been trying to tell you all along. There is a purpose to all of this. Each morning with every sunrise, holds a purpose. The strings in life are what help you distinguish that purpose. There is hope. There are dreams waiting to be captured. Visions waiting to be unleashed and fulfilled. Can you see the strings?
Let me help you see them for a moment. It's an answer to your prayers. It's a neighbor, a co-worker, a team mate, who enjoys the same things as you do. It's meeting the same person, over and over again at the same bus stop, every day....for months. It's starting a new job and finding out there's another Believer there. It's finding out there are no Believer's at your workplace, and finding out how badly they need Him. It's the place you live, your neighborhood and more importantly-your neighbors. It's the church you attend, the friend's you have made, the ministries you're involved with. It's witnessing God's provision in your life, in those around you. It's seeing His love, His compassion, His goodness, His love-spilt all over you time and time again. It's how He first loved you. It's the cross. It's His blood. It how badly He wants you to be near to Him.
Can you see the strings yet?
Imagine living a life seeing the One behind the scenes and yet never acting upon the purpose of Iit all? They prompt you to passion, move you to act out your faith, spur you to dream on, motivate you to fulfill visions, think big, step out and know Him more.
You can call it fate, coincidence, destiny even predestination but know the One behind it all has a purpose for your life. Each day we hold in the palm of our hands the gift of choice. It enables us to see God pulling all the strings in our lives in order to reveal His purpose to us, or simply shrug our shoulders in disbelief, dismay, or dumbfoundedness and go on living as though purpose to us is unknown.
A life beyond purpose fails to hold hope, pursue the things of God, and dismisses a desire to know Him more, better, deeper....with intimacy. But every day when we walk out the doors of our homes, there is set before us an array of beautifully orchestrated circumstances, situations, happenstances that define our purpose in life.
As we walk through life seing the strings being pulled here and there, let us never grow weary or tired of knowing and remembering our purpose in this life. He's the One behind it all, pulling all the strings in a tremendous effort to make you see His purpose for your life. Once you see it, hang on to it, hold on to it tightly and remember it always.